Embarrassing garden plans

I was really going to do it. I was going to bite the bullet and post my garden plans that I had a go at drawing up the other day. I just can't do it. I ummed and ahhed but I honestly cannot embarrass myself that much, nor Mr TG cos his were worse (in my humble opinion).
You see I AM an artist. By that I mean I have an O Level grade A in Art and had I not followed the Equestrian route after school I may very well have attempted to eke out a living through Art.
With that in mind I just cannot bring myself ..............................oh what the heck I'll do it, but first I have to post a picture of the last thing I drew a couple of years ago because I'd rather a half decent drawing was the first thing you see

Please bear in mind that this VERY ROUGH garden plan was scribbled down with a biro on the garden and is neither to scale nor exactly finished. What I will do is re-draw it properly (still not to scale mind cos I'm too lazy to measure it all) and then re-post it but for now.....

I have never made garden plans - EVER! If it works in my head then I do it, if it looks naff when I've finished then I'll sulk for a while before re-doing it.  My expertise (or lack of) in the garden design drawing department is clearly evident in several areas.

1. The obvious naffness of the drawing.
2. The fact that I had to extend our boundary fence at the bottom into the farmers field (don't think the sheep would take kindly to that)
3. Not one plant that already exists is named (or even in its correct place in the plan)
4. Not one plant name has been suggested (because I make it up as I go along and I'll decide on those rather crucial elements 2 seconds before I plant them)
5. No element is described i.e. Who's to know that the squiggle going all the way across the grass is a path of some description.
6. Who's to know that it even IS grass?
7. Again, the obvious naffness of the drawing.

Now I feel brave enough to include Mr TG's garden plan. You need to picture the scene first though:- Do you remember at school when you didn't want anyone to copy your work so you hunched over it with that protective arm circle?  Well that was Mr TG with these garden plans, so you now have to imagine the masterpiece  I was expecting with all his protectiveness

Now I appreciate how rubbish my own design is but floating grass?  When he first revealed this masterpiece it took me an age to focus on it, it really did.
At least Mr TG did offer some plant suggestions but here's why this plan is equally as naff as my own

1. All that path that goes round the floating lawn and up to the bird aviary and off into a million other places is a stone set path - this project is mine and it would take me years to cart that much stone from acres away and set it all.
2. The plants! Well let's just say those things that look like buried bodies are his planting suggestions.
3. Look hard and you'll see his suggestion of "small box hedge" randomly splattered down the side of the floating lawn. Box blight and hedge cutting are not in his vocabulary.
4. At the far top right he suggests a "Rose garden". Lovely you might say, only his Rose garden is in the most exposed North facing area of the garden. Wind would rip them apart - Oh the slaughter of it all!
5. A water feature in the middle of the lawn? Seriously? And a round one to boot.
6. The area that gets the most sun and heat (which we need to use here in the Highlands) is the area he's stuck a patio on with potted plants$$!!
7. His plan makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and would do my head in every time I go out there. 
8. It's naff!

So there you go I've embarrassed myself and Mr TG (though Mr TG will never find out) and I completely understand if you're unable to offer us some helpful hints due to the belly aching laugh you are probably in the middle of.

So I am going to leave you with a couple more arty pictures. Not mine this time, these are by one of my daughters who inherited my Arty flair. Actually they both inherited it (twins) but one of them doesn't bother so much

Once you've managed to stop laughing perhaps you could offer a helpful hint re the garden design process? Other than "Give up" or "Get someone in that can actually draw" of course because we've already heard that LOL.