First line of defence - chickens!

The fish in Mr TGs pond were extremely active yesterday - a highly unusual sight for this lot. From early morning till late evening they were chasing a particular Goldfish around like a posse of mad men, this flurry of activity though caught the attention of Saffy, our Birman cat.

Now before y'all go "Ahhhhh what a beautiful puddy cat", beauty is as beauty does and there is nothing beautiful about the antics of this cat. Bought as a house cat along with her sister they were the cutest kittens we'd ever laid eyes on - too cute even for here cos you'll lose yourself in their cuteness. Oh ok, here's the cuteness, but don't be fooled

Drunk cat and Devil cat.

Anyway these cats turned out to be THE most destructive house cats I have ever had the displeasure of owning - they could (and did) strip a house of its wallpaper over night. They also had a killer instinct second to none that saw them bringing back live rabbits to the house, thankfully these were wild rabbits, not someones prize Angora 'Mr Squiggles' rabbit - see where this is headed?
Anyway, like I said the commotion in the pond got the attention of Saffy and twice I had to run downstairs and chase her off the garden - though chase is hard to do when the cat just lays on the floor and wants you to rub its belly!
The third time this happened, I chased Saffy off but saw her lick her paw, that's when I realised she'd actually been dipping into the pond the entire time. I figured I'd remove her completely (No, not kill her!) and then let the dogs out cos she'll steer clear while they're out.
So there I am carrying her to her sleeping area in the shed, telling her off while she looks all cute and stupid and then I almost stepped on a ruddy Goldfish! The little moo had snagged the biggest fish, carried it round the garden, dropped it at the shed door and gone back for more - typical senseless killing from a cat.
I dropped placed the cat on the floor and picked up the rather dirty Goldfish which surprisingly started flapping away in my hand, so I legged it back to the pond and held it in the water figuring it would die anyway but nope, it started gulping, then flapping and then sped off.
It didn't look too agile, in fact it looked drunk as a skunk as it banged into things and kept laying on its side and I did feel terrible for it when the rest of the fish resumed their chasing of it. I did consider taking it out and putting it elsewhere to recover but then I figured while it's being chased it doesn't have time to think about dying - logic!

It's the big Goldfish in the middle being mobbed.

Poor thing!

I watched the fish for half hour or so (ssshhhh, I didn't admit to that) but it seemed fine so I decided to work on defences because the cat was surely going to come back now it knew what to expect!
I decided on a two pronged tactic, the first line of defence being a posse of hens led by the notorious 'Big Momma' who was up on a murder rap a few months ago (reduced to manslaughter on grounds of diminished responsibility) and head Honcho 'Romeo' who's name is deceiving.

Should Saffy make it through this first line of defence I had back up installed on the garden in the form of 'Atlas' who is a bit doddery now and prefers to ignore the cats but has done enough chasing in his past to warrant a reputation

And Huntly who would most certainly enjoy capturing a cat and forcing it to be his best friend cross dribble cloth

Suffice to say the fish were safe for the rest of the day because Saffy is too lazy to access the pond via the other 3 unmanned garden fences and as for that fish, well it's still alive - amazingly. once the water had cleaned it the scratch or teeth marks from the cat are evident but by the end of the day it was whizzing round as easily as it was before Saffy played tag.

On a relevant note, I decided I hate the pond, it's not big enough or deep enough and that next year the whole thing is being re-done. Mr TG agreed - of course!