Ducks - not my cup of tea

After writing my last post re The Handy multicutter I bought I contacted The Handy company via email detailing my issues with the machine and attached a link to my blog post. I didn't really expect to hear anything back so I was surprised to see an email from them a couple of days later.
They sent me a lovely link to an informative Youtube video that told me exactly how to start this tool up (yes, I say that in sarcastic tones) followed by a statement that there is an adjustment I can make to the brass screw below the chock lever and that this may help me start it, if not I can send the item back and they will check it out.
I will try adjusting the screw next time I use it but I don't hold out much hope of it working.

Anyway I'd like you to meet Jemima, Donald and Daisy

Apparantly Mr TG decided we should get ducks for eggs and it just so happened a guy up the road was giving some away. I'm not a duck person, they're about as high on my list of desireable animals as chickens, but Mr TG and my daughters went off and came back with this trio.
It would seem that the breeder of these ducks didn't socialise with them so they're about as tame and handable as a feral cat - great!
"What breed are they?" I ask
"Dunno. The guy mentioned Drakes,or at least his ad did"
I look dumbfounded at this "But Drakes are male ducks NOT the breed!"
"Oh yeah!" was the reply
"So have we got 3 feckin Drakes here then?"
"Dunno. Does it matter?"
"It ruddy well does if we want eggs form them doesn't it!!!!!" I was exasperated by this point.

It seems Ducks are not tameable once they reach a certain age either, they may be happy to chip away at food as you chuck it but you have no hope of petting them. Not that I'm bothered really but if they're all Drakes then what's the flippin point to them.
Of course I am left with building them a house - though Stacey has offered to help - and of course it can't be a bog standard house, oh no no no, it's going to be some floating Taj Mahal type construction!
So my daughter and Mr TG were also told that we need to teach them to swim - yup seriously! What the heck - surely Ducks just float? Comes naturally doesn't it? I aint falling for that codswallop!
But Stacey wanted to teach them just to be safe.
"You get in that pond and have at it then poppet but count me out" says I the ever supporting mother. I've seen what creatures slither in and out of that pond and there is no chance on this earth I'm getting in it. I've had enough fights with frogs, been chased by enough Iguanas (though Mr TG insists they're newts) and seen the quivalent of Conga Eels in there - nope, not even getting a toe in there. Plus it's deeper than I am tall.

Brave isn't she! Well, not so much as it turned out because she refused to go any further than a stone that was on the side because she couldn't feel the bottom.

So she gets in ready for swim instruction, attempts to place these rabid ducks in the water who then proceed to dive bomb in to get away from her, swim to the other side, get out and hide in the ruddy gorse bush. I am not feeling these ducks!

"See I told you they'd float" - that was my comforting input as Stacey flounced out the water.

The next half hour or so was spent trying to entice them out of the gorse bush (and I have the spears in my skin to prove it) and back into the water. It seems Ducks can hide very well and be as silent as a mouse when trying to evade the help of well meaning humans.
So what do you do when Ducks won't come out of the gorse bush? You grab a saw and take the friking gorse bush down, that's what!
This resulted in 3 ducks back on the pond, back over the other side and hiding in the reeds. That's it, I've had enough, I ain't chasing them out of reeds cos I refuse point blank to get in the water.
Current state of play is that the Ducks are hiding in the reeds still which has peeved us off because not only was their swimming lesson unnecessary - go figure - but we didn't get tot teach them how to use the special ramp we had built for them to get in and out on.
After all that pallaver I realised that we hadn't clipped their wings either before we let them go and we now have no chance of catching them so we'll probably be waving bye bye to them in a couple of months anyway as they fly off.

I've now informed Mr TG that I'm getting Geese! At least they can defend themselves against the dog and it'll be fun to watch them chase people off the property. Ducks are so boring!