Saturday, 25 May 2013

How not to build a pergola!

I have just wasted almost an entire day in the garden.
I know what you're thinking - how can a day in the garden be a waste? Well when you spend 6 hours attempting to build a pergola and at the end of the 6 hours you are no further along than when you started, it's pretty much a waste.
I've had this thought of building a pergola for ages but me being me running true to form I got going without a plan or even a plan of a plan.
The first section went well enough, I hand sawed all the rebates and really took my time doing it, then I decided the next section would be quicker if I got the jigsaw out.
I was wrong, so so wrong!
The jigsaw didn't seem able to make cuts as precise and tidy as my own hand cutting (yes I know I'm blaming the tool not myself) and I should have walked away from the project at that point but I didn't.
The whole episode was a palaver from start to finish and it turned out that the pergola was never going to sit where I wanted it to or even sit square because I had got my initial dimensions wrong - I discovered this important fact after I had secured the darned thing with 6" nails.
I even wasted about an hour trying to lose a huge massive bolt that was sticking out of the sleeper that I wanted to rest the pergola against - I used a chisel to cut away the wood around the bolt so that I could hammer the bolt flush with the sleeper (no way can you physically remove these uber bolts and I was too impatient to wait for Mr TG to grind it off for me), I can still feel the vibration up my arm as I hammered and hammered that ruddy thing.
The real insult to injury came when the pergola wouldn't sit against the sleeper anyway cos I'd built it all wrong - what a complete waste of time and all my own fault.

You can imagine the sarcastic glee from Mr TG can't you

"I take it you hammered it with a heavy lump hammer and not your average hammer?"
How do I answer that without looking a complete moron? I couldn't, so I didn't, I just stared at him.
"I take it you also added some supporting braces to it to keep it upright and square"
Again, I just stared whilst secretly cringing at the wibbly wobbly structure I'd lost my temper with.
"I take it you secured it temporarily with small nails? I know you, you'll use 6" nails given half a chance and you'll never get them back out"
Oh you know me so well Mr TG.
"Did you take before and after pictures for your blog? Oh wait, you could just use the before picture twice couldn't you!"
Oh Mr TG you are so droll - now let's go look at your pond!
"Want me to help you?" (in that I'll do you a favour tone)
Nope, I'll manage just fine Mr TG. The one time I actually want something built with a frikin spirit level and I can't let him help me cos I'll never hear the end of it.
Tomorrow that soddin pergola will be up!

I did capture some pictures of the view as I thought over my problems today though

Shame they're a weed actually cos they smelled pretty lovely!

Yep, my thinking state involved alot of laying on my back but what a pretty sight especially once all the clouds disappeared.

I also found myself thinking we may just have the dirtiest, smelliest Shih Tzu in need of a summer clip this side of Caithness. I may clip her off tomorrow but it's not a pleasant experince as this little girl spends most of her day rolling in every kind of animal excrement she can find.
The first picture is one I took while telling her she was cute and gorgeous (to get her to cooperate), the second one is what she did the minute I'd taken her picture

All was not lost in the garden though. last night I did manage to get a few flowers out of my polytunnel and into a container

That container is bigger than it looks and now it's full of soil and plants it weighs ALOT. Shame we have to move it as Mr TG needs to get the harling done to the house and we've decided to put a raised verandah right on that area!
One day I will think things through properly!


  1. I feel your pain...I too have a Mr TG, like I said....I feel your pain!

    1. They have their uses Jane - it's their only saving grace lol.


  2. Just tell Mr. TG that only wimps use directions. Real gardeners figure it out for themselves.

    1. You'd think he'd know me well enough by now to know I make things up as I go along lol


  3. On a plus note - if you like the daisies where they are. then they are not weeds they are naturalised native wild flowers!

    1. Sadly that was my lawn Sue and it's now daisy free.


  4. Lol....I should have read this post before the last one!

    Glad you got there in the end. I love daisies, and enjoyed a blue sky day yesterday, sadly, back to rain!!!

    The doggy is a right little darling.xxxx

    1. The dog is a right something Snowbird lol. Back to rain here too but hopefully I'll get it finished today.



  5. Q. What's a rebate? Seriously

    1. A: In my world lol, the rebate is the bit that I had to cut out of the legs at the top to sit the cross pole in so that the cross pole sits flush against the legs. Not sure if that makes any sense?



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